Identity is celebrating its 10th anniversary, and wants to share with you some highlights from our history as a magazine and website. This series is taken from past relationship advice articles published in Identity Magazine.
November 2014
Weight Watchers
I am in my twenties, and recently married. Despite the fact that I love my husband dearly, it feels as though his family does not accept me because I am overweight. Even though I like the way I look, and accept myself, I am subjected to humiliation and rejection by my husband’s family. Every time I visit my in-laws, they crack hurtful jokes at my expense. They mock my weight in a way that deeply hurts me. They can go as far as saying “Let’s hurry up and eat before she gulps everything.” I love my body, and feel quite confident about my looks. I was not aware that my weight was a prerequisite for my in-laws acceptance… I come from a good family, I’m a good wife but all that seems irrelevant and tiny compared to my weight issue. Please help!
Dear Weight Watchers,
As I read your question, I kept wondering about your husband’s stance from such recurrent episodes of humiliation and indignation. He could easily put an end to his family’s behavior and spare you the torture.Since your original question does not mention your husband, then I will assume that he does not know, does not care , or does not know what to do about it.
If you were born and raised in Egypt, then you ought to be familiar with many Egyptians’ discriminatory tendencies. Some Egyptians think it’s alright to openly say that dark skinned people are disgusting, that overweight people are pathetic, or that people with special needs are repulsive. Many do not have the audacity to tell the world of their obnoxious thoughts; thus they refer to black humor.
There are so many sadistic jokes about people from upper Egypt, about women who want to get married, about women who do not want to get married, about sensitive body parts, about skin color, about religion, about hair, and about personal habits. Huge bulks of the Egyptian population think it’s cute, smart and street wise to make fun of others. Some consider it a perfect ice breaker; others hide their own insecurities behind a mask of sick humor.
I’m sure you’ve seen how the picture of the man in his underwear on the beach went viral giving everyone the right to judge him! Remember that Egypt Air hostess who was pictured off guard and people either mercilessly made fun of her or pitifully defended her! Remember all those before and after pictures of actors and singers and how people enjoy ripping them apart. Remember how one cabinet minister asked the Egyptian parliament’s special needs’ representative for translation because she is unable to comprehend the disabled!
Bottom-ine: Making fun of others and hurting their feelings is a form of bullying and ought to be punishable by law!
How to handle your bullies?
1) Ask your husband to interfere! It’s his duty to protect you from bullying and harassment!
2) Ask your in-laws directly and firmly to stop! Use a strong yet composed tone of voice to tell them that you do not appreciate being made fun of and that they are setting a bad example for the children they expect you to have with their son.
3) In your mind, make a conscious decision to deprive them of the power they have over you; in your mind tell them that they could no longer hurt you with their sneaky remarks. Tell yourself that you are immune. Remind yourself that they are nobody and imagine their words breaking into tiny little molecules and dissipating into outer space where no one would ever hear them!
4) You could also give them a taste of their own medicine! Detecting someone’s insecurities and shaming them over it is the easiest trick in the book. No one is perfect! What is wrong with them? Find out what hurts them and poke it!
You could use a combination of all the above and I would kindly ask you to refrain from stooping as low as they did!
